Lyrics: Rzemyk, Key, Kersey Music: Key, Rzemyk Mustache? No. Sideburns? No. Goatee? Maybe... beard? BEARD! Do you feel alone? Do you feel neglected? Not doin' well with the ladies? Well I've got the solution for you! Low self esteem? GROW A BEARD! Afraid to follow your dreams? Are you lonely and sad? You wanna look good in plaid? Are you working out? Did your car break down? Ice caps melting? Are you stuck in the middle of a nowhere and you need to make an important phone call, but the battery is dead and you can't find an outlet to plug in your charger? GROW A BEARD! Grow the beard. Feed the beard. Brush the beard. Manscape the beard. Stroke the beard. Love the beard. Fear the beard. OBEY THE BEARD! OBEY THE BEARD. BEHOLD THE BEARD ACCEPT THE BEARD. RESPECT THE BEARD Impress your date with your beard Eat a steak Chop down trees Crush your enemies Catch a fish Round house kick Troll the net Chia pet? Ch-Ch-Ch-Chia beard. Drive a truck Try your luck Arm wrastle Teenage Mutant Ninja Beard Pet the doggie I pledge allegiance to the beard Can't grow a beard? Then BUY A BEARD! Do you have a beard? THEN GROW MORE BEARD! "You need to shave this thing!" SHUT UP GRANDMA, GROW A BEARD! Defend the beard, drink to the beard ‘cause beards are good and scruff! I was so empty and lost inside ’till I grew you (’till you grew me) I put my faith in my facial hair to get me through Well, I can defy the odds again and again with you on my chin (I’m on your chin) With every moment you grow closer and closer to my heart. Do you take this beard to be your lawfully wedded beard. For bearder or for worse, In scruffiness and in beard, till shave do you part? I beard. Abe Lincoln had a beard. ZZ Top, EPIC beards Dimebag Darrell, METAL beard Chuck Norris, KICKASS beard Number One Make it beard. Chewbacca IS a beard. Santa Claus, Jesus Christ, GOD has a beard.
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